Pink Lagoon
by Symmetry -Death the Kid
Summary: A group of foul-mouthed trigger-happy mafia ponies threaten Ponyville, and it's up to the gang to save the day! Rated T for some profanity and violence. OCs.


**AUTHOR'S NOTE: My first fic for my guilty pleasure, _Friendship is Magic_.**

**Pink Lagoon**

**One-shot.**

* * *

><p>"Oh, Twilight, I can't wait for the Grand Galloping Gala this year!" Spike said. "I hope Celestia makes it more interesting for us..."<p>

"Spike, it's a month away." Twilight said. "We should be more focused on current events, like the visitor bus coming to town today."

"That's today?" Spike asked. "Oh boy oh boy oh boy! I can't wait to see all kinds of new ponies! When's it gonna get here?"

"In a couple hours." Twilight said. "The rest of the ponies are getting everything ready to introduce the visitors, and we probably should too."

"Alright then, let's go!" Spike yelled as he grabbed onto Twilight.

"Hey!"

* * *

><p>"You got everything over there, Spike?" Twilight asked.<p>

"Yep." Spike said.

Spike was finishing up his chores (and some extras due to the visitors) while the rest of the ponies were sitting down and having tea.

"Phooey, that was a lot of work." Applejack said. "I'm actually sweating a little from all the anticipation."

"Don't worry, Applejack." Twilight said. "Everything's gonna be fine."

Pinkie Pie, looking out the window, declared "The bus is here!" and everyone ran outside.

The bus pulled up, and instead of the typical 20+ people with smiling faces, came out three ponies who looked like there were in a mafia, with bored expressions on their faces. None of them had a Cutie Mark that was in sight.

"Oh, hi." Twilight said, before having one of them shush her.

"Listen here, girly, we've got no time to talk to cloppers."

Twilight looked up and examined the pony who said that to her. She was yellow, without a Cutie Mark, and had gum in her mouth.

"Well, what's your name?" Twilight asked.

"My name's Renvy, if you must know. We're here to declare this our war place."

"Huh?" Pinkie Pie asked. "But there's never any war here!"

"The clouds don't even form up that much thanks to me!" Rainbow Dash said.

"Bragging little bitch." Another one of the ponies said just loud enough so Rainbow Dash could hear it.

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash said. "Take that back, you scumface! What's your name, anyways?"

Rainbow Dash examined the pony who said that to her. He was brown, with a big red bruise on his face, and again, without a Cutie Mark.

"My name's Saka, if you must know."

"Heh heh! Japanese name..."

"Shut it, you pile of shit."

The ponies gasped at Saka's profanity.

"Hey, we don't take kind to foul-mouths here!" Rarity said.

"She's even more of a whore then Rainbow Dash." Renvy whispered to Saka just loud enough so the other ponies could hear it.

"HEY!" Rarity yelled. "I am not any sort of 'whore' or 'slut', and I refuse to be addressed as such! I am a fashion-"

"_Slut." _Another one of the ponies said.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Rarity yelled at the pony. "What's your name?"

Rarity examined the pony. He was red, and actually had a fire Cutie Mark covered up under his skin.

"It's Marka, if you must know. And I only speak the truth."

"I've never once done anything dirty!" Rarity yelled back at Marka.

"It doesn't matter." Marka said. "Now hand over the damn land."

"You're going to have to take that up with Princess Celestia!" Twilight said. "She'll never sell you this land!"

"Oh, she won't?" Renvy said. "We'll see about that."

Twilight gasped. "What will you do?"

"Oh, you'll see. All your little friends will see." Renvy said. "Alright, boys, to this bitch Celestia's castle!"

"Get back here!" Pinkie Pie yelled. "We don't want you buying our land!"

Renvy raised her middle hoof at Pinkie Pie and ran away with the rest of them.

"What are we gonna do?" Fluttershy asked. "What will they do to Princess Celestia?"

* * *

><p>Along the way to Princess Celestia, Renvy saw a group of small ponies running by. The ponies stopped and stared at the mafia group.<p>

"Who are you people?" One asked.

"Well, who are you people?" Renvy asked.

"We're the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Another one said. "Why does that one pony have that big ugly bruise on his face?"

"Fuckin' little kid!" Saka yelled, pulling a gun out at the little pony's face.

"Whoa, whoa, back up!" Renvy said. "Even I'm not that trigger-happy."

"Alright." Saka said, putting the gun away. The Cutie Mark Crusaders ran away, frightening.

* * *

><p>"What will we do to stop them?" Twilight asked. "They'll ruin our land!"<p>

"Calm down, Twilight." Rainbow Dash said. "There's no way Princess Celestia would let them buy our land for some sort of mafia."

"Yeah, but think of the things they could _do_ to Princess Celestia!" Twilight yelled.

"Like what?" Spike asked.

"Murder! Slander! Disembowelment!" Twilight yelled. "We gotta get there fast!"

* * *

><p>"We're here." Renvy said. "Ugh, it's more sparkly then the fuckin' 4th of July."<p>

Marka knocked on the door. "Hey, skank!"

"Moron!" Renvy yelled at Marka. "She's not gonna open the door like that! We're gonna have to sneak in."

Renvy opened a window. "If she wants to avoid trespassers, she should make the windows higher, or at least lock them."

Renvy, Marka, and Saka all fell into the window.

_"Ahhhhhh!"_

"Damn, it's higher then it looks." Saka said.

Princess Celestia walked in. "Hello?"

"Hello, _Celestia_." Renvy said.

"Oh, you're the visitors?" Princess Celestia asked. "Well, welcome to Po-"

"Shut up, bitch, we're here to buy this damn land, and if you say no, you don't know what we're gonna do." Renvy said.

"I beg your pardon?" Princess Celestia asked.

Renvy pulled a gun out. "Say good-bye in ten seconds."

Princess Celestia gasped. "How did you ever sneak that past the guards?"

"Let's just say the guards...are taking some time off." Marka said.

"Count down with me, Celestia." Renvy said. "Ten...nine...eight...seven...six...five...four..."

All a sudden, Twilight Sparkle came through the door.

"Shit!" Saka yelled.

"Don't worry." Renvy said. "This should be _real_ easy. Look, Twilight Sparkle, you've got no time left. We're buying this land, and you will be our slave. You're outnumbered. It's three against one."

Applejack appeared. "Make that two!"

Rarity appeared. "Three!"

Pinkie Pie appeared. "Four!"

Spike appeared. "Five!"

Rainbow Dash flew down to the door. "Six!"

Fluttershy tumbled down a hill to the door. "Seven..."

"Well, now we're screwed." Renvy said. "Maybe we should run?"

"Yeah, we could take over the _Panty and Stocking_ universe." Saka said.

"Who?" Pinkie Pie asked.

Renvy raised her middle hoof up at Pinkie Pie. "You win this battle, but we'll be back!"

"You most certainly won't be." Princess Celestia said.

Renvy, Saka, and Marka walked out the door.

"I can't believe we just all got here and everything worked out!" Rainbow Dash said.

...

"Well, Princess Celestia, I think I've learned a lesson. Did you get it?" Twilight asked.

"No, Twilight, what is it?" Princess Celestia asked.

"When you work together, you can take down anything."

_the end_


End file.
